This Is What It Sounds Like When Dommes Cry
Note: This article is on the subject of child abuse.
My vanilla life necessitates that I periodically attend lectures. I sit, listen, hear everything for the first time because I didn’t do the reading, and sometimes pretend to take notes. Since I don’t do the reading I sometimes I don’t know the topic of the lecture. (This is the one time I’ll say don’t be Domina Chase!)
This particular lecture was about looking for signs of physical abuse. We covered the basics of what we might see such petechiae, contusions (bruises), hematomas, etc. The lecture format was showing a picture of a type of abuse inflicted wound, asking the class to guess how it was inflicted, followed by discussion. Each picture was met with the expected small whispered sounds of professional horror. Unsurprisingly, I was really good at guessing when a weapon was used and what kind.
This went on for several slides until one picture of a child’s back suddenly brought tears to my eyes. Actually, I’m being too clinical. I lost my fucking shit.
My eyes and nose started immediately running. I took a deep breath to calm myself while simultaneously suppressing a pained whimper. My whole body recoiled like I had been hit. Incredibly I was able restrict my disturbance to a quavering of a chin.
Before the lecturer could prompt us to guess, I instantly recognised the unmistakeable mark left by standard gauge extension cord. The loop outline spanned most of the child’s narrow back. Even more malevolently you could clearly see the mark started at the side of the ribs and wrapped around. From the discolouration I could tell it was left with force.
Using an extension cord as an impact toy is something I reserve only for the sluttiest of pain sluts. It is one of the most painful things you can hit someone with. Furthermore, with any flexible impact toy of length, such as whips and floggers, tops strive to avoid wrapping around the body unless it is intentional. As the cord wraps around the back, the radius of travel decreases which means it accelerates. The force delivered at the tip was much greater than what was felt on the side of the ribs. Finally, the placement indicated the child’s arm was above their head either on order or in defense.
I knew exactly how very forcefully you have to hit someone with the cord in order to make the mark shown.
I knew this because I was a Dominatrix.
All this I saw in a flash. I instinctively looked around and saw no one else was especially disturbed. Well, save for my good friends seated next to me who were concerned at my extreme reaction.
When I was asked the inevitable, “What’s wrong?” I had to explain that even I hesitate to use an extension cord on a full grown man. That I knew exactly how very forcefully you have to hit someone with the cord in order to make the mark shown.
I knew this because I was a Dominatrix.
The slides continued to show pediatric cases with marks delivered by common household items. I wanted to leave in the movie-dramatic-weak-stomached-person-sees-a-cadaver way. As much as I wanted to leave, I stayed because maybe one day I could help a child with something I learned.
The more a person embraces kink, or even simply collects discrete moments, the more it becomes part of how you view the world. We all view the world through multiple lenses. I have the lens of being a woman. The lens of being a person of colour. And the lens of being a humanistic Dominatrix.
Has your knowledge of BDSM transferred into your vanilla life? Tell us in the comments or join the discussion in on Facebook by joining Humanistic BDSM: Inclusive AF Kink.
Photo Credit: (C) Sara Eileen and Meitar Moscovitz, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons, (CC BY 3.0), https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Femdom_bloody_back.jpg
Disclaimer: Usage of the above photo is not intended to imply that the subject of the photo was abused. Given the disturbing nature of the topic and the fact that this image is used in the article preview, we have chosen to show marks left by consensual impact play rather than provide a photo of genuine abuse.
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