Kinky Game: Spell My Name

Mina: Now I want you to take this paddle and hit your inner thigh once for every letter in my name. Make sure to say each letter out loud.

Bottom: Is there 1 ’S’ or 2?

Mina: There are two. Now begin.

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This week’s KFS entry will take a slightly different turn. Our last three weeks’ topics have been focused on apply traditionally work related professional development skills and applying it to kinky life. After recent conversations with kinksters around the world (Ok, only the Philippines and the United States. However, I cover all times zones in the US.), I’ve decided to also teach on my particular methods. There is no one way to kink and all are valid as long as we practice risk-aware consensual kink.

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During a scene I take the word play quite literally. I laugh, giggle, dance, and clap during scenes. Think of a sweet, cute child who over enthusiastically pets an animal and inadvertently hurts them. The horror of the outcome is magnified by the counterpoint of cuteness. I am terrifying because I am genuinely giggly when someone in is pain. Your flesh is my game board for my amusement. How I achieve this in scenes is by having pre-set ‘games’. Some are more defined than others and variety is found by combining several. One specific game I play, depicted above, is the Name Game. 

I am a rockstar in kinky scenes because I play Name Games.

The name game is a very simple mind altering and control strategy employed when using various skills. You simply take any repetitive action and pair each delivery with a letter of your name. For explanation, we will use the commonly used term Mistress (Note: Not my scene name). In scene, I would tell the bottom/sub that we’re going to play Mistresses. Of course this pronouncement is met with confusion. I explain that with every delivery of a blow, they will have to say a letter of my scene name. If they skip a letter or forget to say a letter, then the spelling resets.

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Any form of play is much more powerful with a force of intent in every action. Here’s why you should incorporate the Name Game into your scene.

1) Maintain mental focus on the Top*. When the only input your bottom is receiving from you is physical, such as blows with a paddle, they are free to let their mind wander including entering subspace. Subspace tends to a very solitary experience with the bottom’s focus being on the experience. By playing the name game, their focus is entirely on you as the Top.

2) Deliver more pain with the same effort. Having your bottom talk during a scene prevents them from sinking too far down into zen subspace where pain takes on a new meaning. Being the sadist that I am, I like for my bottoms to feel every ounce of pain. It’s a subtle but effective way to deliver more pain without having to put in any extra physical effort. 

3) Build a connection with the bottom. We self-pleasing creatures tend to like people who use our name often. Using a person’s name frequently in conversation is a common rapport building technique. As a result the Top is more receptive to the bottom. The Top also builds connection by encoding their name into the mind of the bottom. One learning theory is that every person has different ways in which they most efficiently encode information. These are visual, aural, verbal, and physical. The Name Game inherently utilizes aural, verbal, and physical learning but visuals can also be incorporated. Your name and therefore persona is internalized by the bottom.

4) Time to think. A practical reason to play Name Games is pacing and timing. Often, tops can be overwhelmed with the burden of “What do I do next?” Employing the Name Game gives you time to think while still doing something. It can also slow the pace of play so that the emphasis is on power exchange rather than physical blows. 

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Now that we have the theory down, let’s talk practical applications! This method can be used in conjunction with any type of play and skill.

Name Game Ideas:

• Impact play: One blow per letter

• Little Play: Feeding someone one piece of cereal per letter

• Bootblack Play: One letter per brush stroke

• CBT: Apply one clothes pin per letter

• Bondage: Tie a knot per letter

• Needle Play: One insertion per letter

Share your thoughts and ideas on how to use Name Game with your particular kink. Too shy to share with the class out loud? Drop me a line. Leave a comment below or join our Facebook group Humanistic BDSM: Inclusive AF Kink.

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By playing Name Games you’ll be able to create a richer physical, emotional, and mental connection with your play partner. 

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* Note: I have used the words Top and bottom because not all tops are dominant and not all bottoms are submissive. These theories and techniques also apply to D/s dynamics.

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