Leveraging Technology: Habit Trackers
Updated 15 April 2021.
This is the first article in a planned series about different ways that modern technology can be leveraged to enhance BDSM.
When this series was first conceived it was going to be focused on individuals who are in a long-distance relationship. However, as I began to gather my thought for this very first article, I realized this isn’t limited to LDRs. While it may be more important to find ways to stay connected when you’re physically separated from each other, there’s absolutely no reason that others couldn’t use this to enhance their dynamic as well.
The first bit of tech that I want to discuss are Habit Tracker apps. As the name implies, these apps help you keep track of routine things that you are supposed to do. The D/s implications are probably obvious to you already but I’ll spell it out anyway just in case: an s-type can track their chores, rituals, assignments, and other tasks. You could use this for a one-off assignment but they are best used for recurring events, like once a week you must write in your journal, every day you must clean the kitchen, etc.
If that’s all the functionality you want, then you can pretty much stop reading right here. Every habit tracker app does that at a bare minimum. Just search “habit tracker” in Google Play or the Apple Store and pick whichever one catches your eye. Some have different themes or a slightly easier interface than others but this basic purpose there’s no significant difference between the dozen or so that I’ve checked out so far. Enter your tasks and update them as complete.
Alternatively, the D-type could keep the app and update it only when you report to them that it’s complete, but then you miss out on being able to look at the app and see what tasks are still outstanding.
Many of us prefer a little more functionality than that. The key feature that I recommend looking for in one of these apps is the ability to share your tasks and their completion with someone else. There are three apps I’ve used that meet that criteria: HabitShare, OurHome, and Obedience.
HabitShare
HabitShare is another generic habit tracker but it has more functionality than others. You can add anyone else who has the app onto your HabitShare contacts. You can message and share tasks with your contacts. Whenever you update a task, it notifies anyone you shared it with. You can share the same task with multiple people (great for individuals in poly relationships). You can also choose which tasks you share with which people. So if you have multiple partners, you might share some tasks with one, some tasks with another, and some with both/all, and maybe there’s even a couple that you keep as private reminders just for you.
I really like the interface. It’s intuitive and easy to use. The color scheme has high contrast and just looks good on screen.
In my opinion, the biggest downside to this app is that you can’t set a task as something you should not do. To get around that, I entered a task as usual, put “don’t do it” in the description, and set it to 1/week. Obviously it keeps showing me as incomplete but that’s ok.
There also isn’t a system for rewards and punishments, though of course you can always handle that via direct communication with your D-type. You could also have specific rewards/punishments associated with specific tasks by entering that into the notes. For example, for “Do the dishes” you could have “Reward: extra cuddle time; Punishment: spanking”. However, that’s a workaround and isn’t as flexible as the options in Obedience or OurHome.
One additional benefit that I think bears mentioning is that as a vanilla app, it doesn’t raise any questions if someone sees you using it or sees the icon on your phone.
HabitShare is available for Android and iOS.
Obedience
Obedience is another habit tracker but one marketed specifically to the BDSM community. As such, it has some features that are tailored for D/s purposes. Most notably, it has a points system that can be used for rewards and punishments. That’s not something you’ll find on most vanilla habit trackers.
The color theme is easy to read, visually pleasing, and the primary colors are ones that are often associated with BDSM. It took a little more work to get the hang of the different options than HabitShare did but it was still a pretty intuitive interface.
Another nice feature is that it allows you to set habits that you shouldn’t do. Although a workaround wasn’t hard to do in HabitShare or OurHome, it’s nice to see that functionality included in this app. Finally, another clearly D/s feature is that you can have your habits set so that only the D-type partner can update them.
UPDATE: Since the initial writing, Obedience has undergone several changes. Arguably the biggest one is that it is now available for iPhone, which opens this app to a lot more people. Another significant improvement is the option to have multiple partners. You can add Dominant and/or submissive partners. You will see different habits, rewards, and punishments for each partner.
Other useful features include a notes section. This has sections for Rules, Limits, and Ideas. While you could technically do this with any simple note app, I think there is value in having this on a dedicated kink app where you can keep a lot of useful info in one easily-accessible place, plus of course this lets you share this information with your partner. The app also prevents the sub from editing the rules unless the Dom allows it. You can also track your stats and there is a bit of gamification involved with success streaks, which might appeal to some people.
What I consider a significant downside, though, is the payment plan. The free plan only allows you to include up to 7 tasks to track. To add more, you need to subscribe to one of the various plans for a monthly fee. In addition, both you AND your partner must subscribe to the paid version. The app does mention supporting an independent developer and given how niche kink apps are, this isn’t something that should be brushed aside if you have some disposable income. Still, I would be a little more forgiving if this was a one-time purchase or maybe even if it only required one partner to subscribe. Requiring you and your partner(s) to pay every month to use the paid features just feels a little excessive, though to be fair that requirement might have stemmed from the ability to have multiple partners on the app.
Finally, people who are very discreet about their lifestyle might be hesitant to use this app. The name “obedience” plus the collar icon invite questions from vanilla people if they see it on your phone. I’m sure you could tell them it’s an app to help train your dog or something but that might cause them to look it up for themselves. This is easily overcome, though. Simply make sure it’s not on your home screen and/or bury it in a folder.
OurHome
OurHome is an app specifically designed with families in mind. It’s geared towards behavior modification in children, which makes it quite suitable for use with s-types. There are two parts to the app profile. The first is the family. You can setup a family name and password that multiple people can use to sign in. You can then create individual profiles for family members. As such, this would be useful not just for typical D/s arrangements but also for BDSM “houses” or “families” or poly groups.
Personally, I found the initial setup to be a little clunky. It’s not hard but the interface just isn’t as intuitive as it could be. I also didn’t like the appearance as much as the other apps but that’s purely a matter of personal preference, though using higher contrast colors really wouldn’t hurt. You’ll probably want to ignore the “suggested tasks” and create your own, which is easy to do.
Much like Obedience (and unlike HabitShare) you can track both positive and negative behaviors. Points can be associated with each one. Completing your chores might be worth 5 points. Disrespect or forgetting to address your D-type by the appropriate honorific might be -10 points. Points can be used to purchase rewards.
There isn’t a Punishments category but you could input them as Rewards with values of 0 pts or even negative points. It’s technically a workaround but it’s such a minor one that it’s not really a problem. In fact, it can work out pretty well since a “reward” with a negative point value will add to your points by claiming it, so you can use punishments as a means to clear out of the debt for negative point accrued through misbehavior.
Finally, OurHome also has a calendar feature. While most people already have calendars as a separate phone app, having a shared calendar on the same app that you’re using to track habits/tasks and rewards/punishments is also a big plus.
So which one is the winner? Well that depends on your personal needs. I’m not your Dom so it’s not my job to tell you what to use. I’m only presenting the options.
Update: Obedience has become much more attractive than it was during my initial review based on its improvements. The Punishments category is unique but that’s trivially easy to do with a workaround on OurHome. However, I do really love the aesthetic and sometimes that’s enough for people. I also like being able to have rules and such established. Also, if you are ok with being limited to 7 or fewer tasks or you are willing to pay for the full version, you actually do have greater functionality in most respects than the other two apps.
I felt like HabitShare had a cleaner interface and I like that I can easily see (and change) my history. I also liked that I can share different tasks with different people or keep some tasks private (if they were something just for me that wasn’t assigned by my Dom). It’s the one I’ve been using ever since my first review of these apps. However, I don’t need most of the features offered by the others, so I’m going with the one that’s free, simple, streamlined, and looks good.
However, OurHome was better than Habitshare if you want to use the points and rewards system or if you want to have negative habits that should be avoided. Speaking in terms of sheer features and versatility, OurHome is much better than HabitShare and the calendar and zero cost might make it more attractive to some people than Obedience, but your mileage may vary. I urge you to examine all three in terms of your specific needs and preferences.
I’ll probably keep using HabitShare because I don’t care for the aesthetic of OurHome and don’t need the rewards/punishments features of Obedience. However, the “winner” is no longer as clear-cut as it was during my initial review. Hopefully this review helps you decide which one is the best app for you.
What is your experience using habit trackers apps? Are there any other apps that you use to enhance your dynamic? Tell us in the comments or join the discussion in our Facebook group Humanistic BDSM: Inclusive AF Kink.
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In the original review, OurHome was the clear winner but due to app updates the final result is much more of a YMMV situation
