Your Newest Toy: Creative Confidence

Your Newest Toy: Creative Confidence

“So that’s how the application works. Your job is to just develop a training program for you to conduct, facilitate implementation, and create metrics for tracking usage. You will be my emissary on this project.”

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You’re standing in front of a rolling cart laden with newly acquired toys and pervertables. Kneeling before you is your new to you but experienced play partner: palms on thighs, head tilted back to stare at you, weight shifted towards the knees in anticipation.  

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In both these instances, you are asked to make something out of the well of your own knowledge and creativity. The dilemma is the pressure to deliver an amazing result for which you have no blueprint for and are responsible for every step. Your reputation and future opportunities are at stake. What separates those who boldly stride forward and those who stall before they’ve even begun?

Rockstars in the boardroom and in the kink scene have creative confidence.

Creative confidence stems from an unshakable belief that at the end of course you will have architected, built, and landscaped an amazing production. It is not dependent on the product, be it full cycle change management or crystalized scene, but on the person undertaking the creation. It is an essential quality for successful company leaders, tops, and even bottoms. 

A creative insecure person falls down two paths. The first path is padded with safety. In the desire for a reliable outcome you merely hit all the basic requirements and shy from inspiration. Sure, you fulfilled all the parameters set by your CEO but your product looks just like what your juniors could have produced. Some emissary you are.

The second path for the creative insecure person begins with an emergency exit. There are visions of grandeur but not first steps to achieve it. You’ve carefully negotiated with the bottom, bought the accoutrements, and researched best practices for each. You’re overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. It’s totally normal. However, now you’ve talked yourself out doing the scene at all.

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Since we have established what NOT to do, let talk about how to build creative confidence. These steps are found in the Medium blog entry (unsurprisingly titled) “Creative Confidence” by Julie Zhuo. The kink application is all mine since the term she introduced deeply resonated with me. As the Product Design VP at Facebook, she definitely qualifies as a rockstar in the boardroom. No word as of yet on her kinky status.

1. Believe that confidence is something that can be acquired. Where ever you are now, you can still grow in creative confidence. Start with a honest and kind self-assesment. How much do you actually know? Where are you in your journey? Remember, being honest doesn’t mean being exceedingly hard on yourself. 

Realize that it’s ok to be the new(er) guy. Draw confidence at work and on the scene knowing that you’re going to amass the needed knowledge. This is especially true for kinky skills. Simply because a person has 10 years of experience as a rope top doesn’t automatically mean they’ll rock at needle play! 

2. Go through the creative process again and again and again. This is the scary part. This step means to just go for it because there is nothing parallel to learning through experience. Let me lift a quote directly from Zhuo and insert sample kinky words as applicable to explain.

“You can read all the books about impact play, but unless you have actually gone through experiencing the countless different ways you can smack the shit out of someone to have a good or bad scene, it will be pretty much impossible to earn the confidence that comes from having done and survived.”

It’s the survival that grows confidence. You’ve done it once and you can do it again. This time around, you’ll know more than last. Confidence comes from experience and experience comes from doing. No shortcuts!

3. Improve your skills. Truly creative confident people are at the top of their particular skill set and they know it. They’ve spanked the bottoms, topped the tops, and Power Pointed the presentations. You need to practice to build skill. This is either through actually producing a project or scene, or exercises for your own edification. Creative confidence is false pride if there isn’t skill to back it up. 

Reading shouldn’t be the sole source of knowledge but it is important. Read books, take online seminars, watch videos, listen to podcasts, and read blogs. (Subscribe to Kink For Success so you never miss a post.) I encourage you to attend workshops when you can. It’s a safe environment to gain experience. Strive to learn more!

4. Invest in your process: A) Thoroughly exploring every idea your or your trusted peers can come up with. B) Getting lots of early feedback from as many smart people as you can. C) Connecting with the real people you’re building for. This investment is in time, effort, and vulnerability not about how much you spend on play parties, workshops, and toys.

Exploration of every idea is how you determine your niche. When you figure out what you’re interested in, investing time into learning will be a joy and not work. Practice will also show you the skills you want to have. As you build knowledge in a string of skills you need (e.g. bondage, impact play, and humiliation or public speaking, change management, and data analysis), the process for creating something out of nothing eases. You can spend more time on the details than the mechanics.

Share your work with people you trust and ask for feedback. This can be on a couch cuddling in your underwear as part of aftercare or asking your work BFF for their opinion. Have a mentor? Even better. Asking for opinions, even if they are different, may seem daunting but will provide insight that will hone your process.

Now get your work in front of people! Present your marketing plan then flog your friend that night. You’ll know immediately what’s working or not. You’ll see how far your come, or perhaps, that you’ve arrived.

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By developing your creative confidence you’ll be making projects that set the standard and creating kinky scenes that inspires you and your peers. Now go kick some ass in the boardroom and in play (which their consent, of course.)

What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below or join our Facebook group Humanistic BDSM: Inclusive AF Kink.

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Kink Harder: Why You Should Learn Sales

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